The much-debated “friend zone”, yeah, we can’t stop hearing the end of it, and although some people claim to have entered the zone, even though its existence is a debate, the vibe with this word remains quite negative.
So, what exactly is a friend zone, huh? It should probably be an amazing hangout hub for you to enjoy with your pals, be it your favorite café, or the bowling alley! Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
The common perception about his peculiar zone is that it is prevalent in male-to-female alliances where the guy gets friendzoned by the woman. The guy would long for the girls, try to woo her, be overtly nice, even know the family or be present in her life without being asked for.
He may get frustrated one day, and ask himself – why she wouldn’t date me? I am a nice guy!
Here’s the catch: People who are nice don’t go around saying they are nice. There is world of a difference in being a nice person, having a crush on a female friend, and doing nice things because you indeed are a friend want her to be happy and rise to success. However, expecting this female friend to reciprocate the favors in a romantic way and getting angry when she doesn’t come under the category of level A douche.
Just because you are acting nice doesn’t give you ownership over the other person, and they do not owe you any sexual or romantic favors. Motive sets the precedent at the beginning itself.
The dreaded notion is a commonplace occurrence in the straight world, people think that a man and a woman who both are straight by sexual orientation, simply cannot be friends with each other or enjoy a platonic relationship. A man cannot have sex with a girl because she has pushed the man into the zone from which there is no retreat.
On the other hand, women think platonic man-woman friendship is the norm, and look forward to it. Some may call it stupid or naïve, which should not happen.
That’s where things get tangled; let’s loosen the knots a little bit, shall we?
You Are Not the Only One
Have you ever used your brain cells in thinking that how many boys out there feel the same way as you about this particular girl? The woman you have the hots for may have five other dudes who are crushing on her. So, is she supposed to sleep with all five of them including you? Nada.
She, and only she, has the right to choose the man she wants to date. Being nice is not a straight way ticket to her heart valves, and it isn’t in the boyfriend resume too. That’s the one basic human decent way to be.
You Forget to Be Upfront
If you have feelings for a person, it is advisable to be upfront about it and let them know what your heart feels instead of just waiting for them to hop into the bed with you just because you brought a rose bouquet. If the feelings are not reciprocated, respect their choice, and move along. There are a lot of people in this world and you do not have to stick around, waiting for her to change her mind and resenting her in the process.
Friendship Can Ofcourse Turn into a Relationship
Do not misunderstand – it is very healthy to have a strong bond of friendship before jumping into a relationship. There would be a lot of guys around who would have crossed the threshold from brotherly figure to the man they desire. Being nice just because you want them to like you isn’t the way to go. In fact, it gets very overwhelming and overbearing after some time. If your life revolves around her, that is neither sexy nor endearing. Being ambitious with a strong will is attractive, and the “not so nice” guys she dates may possess these traits.
So, get out of your head, don’t assume and leave the cape of entitlement home the next time you meet her. Niceness does not equate sex. You don’t want her to see you as a friend, that’s okay. But that doesn’t give you the right to treat her badly just because she is not interested in you.