Talk to your partner about sex. It is advice you would get from the internet (well, reliable sources on the internet), and from a therapist if you decide to go to one. At Misters we see the value of it for men in our data. Men who talk to their partners about sex, are much less likely to be preoccupied by how long they 'last' during intercourse, compared to men who do not.

And yet, it is not an easy conversation to have. However, talking to experts, we have figured that there is some actionable advice on how to go about it.

The setting matters

Figure where and when you talk about it. The venue being different from where you have sex typically is a good idea. And time matters as well. The conversation being not immediately after sex, for example, is not the best idea. You and your partner naturally need time to process, and if you have the conversation right after chances are that what's said is reactive, and perhaps unrepresentative. This point was made brilliantly by Dr Preeti Singh, a celebrated psychologist, when she came to our show on sex. You can listen to that episode right here.

Listen To The Episode On Google Drive

Get to the 'conditioning'

An extremely interesting point was made by Rohan, the rising star in the therapy world, based in Mumbai, that when one person does not like what the other one does about sex, it is not enough to simply recognise it. Instead, as couples learn to trust each other more they can share with the partner why they like or dislike something. The underlying 'conditioning' that has led to a certain like or dislike often gives couples something to work with, and therefore makes the whole process more fulfilling.

Listen to the Episode on Spotify

The 'right' level of empathy

Empathy is important, and like any other conversation, this one, that you are about to have with your partner about sex, needs you to be aware of your partner's context. It is important that you listen. However, this is a conversation that needs you, yourself, to be represented. Sex is expressive, and opening the conversation with your expression may be a good idea. Empathy is important, but focus on what you liked, you disliked as well. 'Over-empathy' is not necessarily the best path to better sex, Dr Singh told us!