In the episode on intimacy, we had a person in the live show–a heterosexual man, presumably–asking a question about women's orgasm rather persistently. Specifically he wanted to know what are the telltale signs of a woman's orgasm. The host suggested that it is best to listen to what the woman says, to which the presumably heterosexual man said, "but women fake it."

The Intimacy Episode on Spotify

Other guests joined the host in trying to convince the presumably heterosexual man that the issue then is not one to be dealt with forensically but rather one where the woman to be confident enough to not have to fake it.

Presumably heterosexual man was not having any of this, and continued on the quest for evidence. "Does anybody here know what the signs of female orgasm are?" he persisted. Obviously at some stage during the show he was ignored, but there seemed to be enough in the behaviour to merit more analysis.

Well, first, that there seems to be an inclination among some men to think of sex as evaluative rather than an expressive activity. This was something highlighted by Rohan, the star therapist from Mumbai who was a guest on the show earlier. It probably comes from a culture which prioritises 'engineering' answers to questions, and therefore there is some discomfort with say, descriptive approaches.

Sex Is Expressive on Spotify

The other point is around the fact that for a lot of men, sex is not just evaluative in terms of their 'performance' but instead an activity of asserting, or reasserting, power, which is itself an entitlement of their gender.

As a man my reason for this scathing criticism is that when sex is seen as method of asserting power, the joy of sex is lost. So, it is in the interest of men, heterosexual men, to be specific, to think of sex as expressive. It is not a game of poker in which your opponent will lie to 'win.' Well, it is not a game of poker till you start seeing it as one! Evaluating one's own sexual wellness is obviously a good idea and for that, one can just take the comprehensive sex self-assessment right here.

The Sex Self-Assessment

Investing in an environment where the woman can talk about what she likes, and does not feel the need to 'fake it,' will make sex better for you, my man. Try it out!