A successful marriage may not be all about 365 nights of sex, but developing and maintaining a good sex life among partners can definitely strengthen your bond and keep your romance alive. Finances, daily chores, kids, and other such issues can interfere with your sex drive and put it on the back seat. To keep the fire burning in your married life, you must prioritise sex and make it exciting. But what if it’s something beyond your control? Erectile dysfunction (ED), which was earlier counted only as an older adult’s problem is now surfacing as the 35+ men’s struggle in the bedroom.
In my case, It all started after 7 years of my marriage. I am, 37 and my husband, now 42. We first thought we’re getting older and slowing down. But isn’t that too early to be so old that we start distancing in the bedroom? Yes, it is! It was his erectile dysfunction that slowed and eventually broke down our sex life.
We have always been very passionate in our relationship, but now it was all gone, and it got to a point where we felt really bothered. What do I do? How do I talk to him about this? All these thoughts kept running through my mind. As a woman, I understand how tied a man’s ego is to his performance level in bed. But I wanted to feel intimate. I wanted to experience the pleasure. Moreover, I wanted my married life to be healthy. This feeling like we are distant, and things may never be the same again was horrifying for me. And maybe for him too! Actually, it was worse for him.
Then we first started talking about Erectile dysfunction (ED), and I remember him mentioning, “you cannot even imagine how frustrating it is for me.”
Cut short; it was time to discuss the matter in-depth and get our sex life back on track.
Acknowledge his grieving about the ED
When your husband can no longer stay erect for long or stay upright at all during intercourse, chances are he is grieving inside. A considerable part or you can say the essential part of his life seems gone. You need to let him grieve! Let him talk freely about his discomfort to you. The worst thing you can do in this situation is suggesting him, “but we can do something X…”. Keep the suggestions for a later part. At this moment, just let him vent. Hold him and let him know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You still love him, and you two together can find your way out of this.
Get to the root of the problem
The biggest mistake women make in such a situation is that they start blaming themselves. It does feel personal, but you should never blame yourself for your partner’s problem. Multiple issues can cause ED, and, experts say, it has nothing to do with the partner. In older men, blood vessels are the main reason for ED. Blood flow to the penis gets restricted, resulting in erectile dysfunction. While in younger men, ED is mostly psychological. Depression, performance, anxiety, and stress during sexual activities can be some of the major causes. In my case, diabetes, combined with a history of smoking and a sedentary lifestyle, was the main culprit.
Remember, it's not just about good sex life but also about your partner’s good health. Talk to him and encourage him to seek medical help.
ED medications like Cialis, Levitra, Staxyn, and Viagra are readily available at the medical storefronts, but before consuming any, it is essential to talk to your doctor.
For those struggling with their man having ED, I would also like to mention that these medications are not addictive and may be taken after consulting a doctor. Although it entirely depends from person to person, taking help from an expert is always better.