Sensate focus—the exercise of touching!

It is a series of behavioral exercises performed by couples to gain back their sexual desire, re-establish the connection, and to enhance intimacy. Sex therapists, relationship counselors or sex educators may recommend couples to perform sensate focus exercises for addressing their sexual dysfunction(s).

The first sensation we learn through is touch, it is the most needed experience even during stimulation and sex. This therapy teaches couples to refocus on the sensation of touch which is further used to deal with negative thoughts. Usually, these are the thoughts that interfere with your sexual interests and even bring fear of failure or performance anxiety. The exercises involved in this help couple be absorbed in the sense of touch in such a way that it should lead to a mutual willingness and response for sexual intercourse.

The magic formula

Sexual dysfunction may be a subject that is not discussed openly even in modern society but its prevalence is common. It is most likely affecting 10-50% of men. You can use sensate focus exercise as a magic formula to rebuild your satisfying sexual relationship with your partner. It aims at bringing you to a point where you feel wanted and be ready to give as well as receive pleasure.

This magic formula may consist of the following three phases of sensate focus exercises:

Non-genital Sensate Focus

At this stage, you should concentrate on touching the body parts which are usually visible such as hands, arms, or face. To progress it further, start touching back, neck, butts, legs, while also focusing on hands, face, and arms. After you have explored these body areas, move on to the chest, stomach, and thighs. You must let yourself drawn into the touch by feeling the texture of the skin, how it curves and the warmth it has to offer.

Genital Sensate Focus

After the first stage, touching the breasts and nipples should be initiated (remember men have nipples too). Add kissing, licking and sucking of both non-genital and genital parts into the course after you have explored touching your partner’s genital (the labia, clitoris, and vaginal lips and the entrance area of your woman and the penis, shaft and glans of your man). You can also use the ‘teasing technique’ to gently stimulate the genitals first and then by increasing the speed.

Penetrative Sensate Focus

After you have spent time on Non-genital Sensate Focus and then Genital Sensate Focus, you can now include penetration. You should always begin with gentle penetration to initiate so that your partner also gradually starts enjoying the same sensation of containment. You can increase thrust to push the level of sensation further ahead. You can try various positions to figure out which gives you and your partner more pleasure.

It is not a race

Remember the more time you give yourself and your partner during all three stages, the better you both will become at understanding each other’s sexual needs. Find what degree of pressure and type of touch appeal you and your partner the most. Encourage feedback by asking questions while you express yourself without hesitation.