What is sexual satisfaction? Is it great sex with your lover? Or is it an exciting passion between lovers? We have all sought advice about how sex can be desirable for our significant others? “What can we do better?” We have all spoken about sexual health but never really about how to spice things up.

Why do we feel the need to up our sex game? Is it because it’s boring and dull now? Monotonous? So, we think let’s try new positions, techniques, and even add some toys for those wild ones! Is this really how humans were meant to make love? Using props?

For once, think with your mind legs open!

Dr. Stephen Synder, a sex and relationship therapist on the faculty at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City has some wise words to share on the subject. In his new book, Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, he unravels the secrets of desire for committed couples.

One of the secrets to amazing sex can be simplified with a four-lettered word. FIOS. FIOS stands for Foreplay, Intercourse, Orgasm, Sleep. Most people simply rush into sex, without investing emotionally and psychologically. They just want to orgasm and sleep. Once they see that their partners have a hard-on or are wet, they assume they are ready for intercourse. However, that’s not the case. You should be invested psychologically too in the foreplay to have amazing sex.

Does it sound weird when I say you must schedule sex? Actually schedule sex like a date on your calendar. Well, there’s a catch. It’s a two-step low pressure, ‘anti-technique’, where you and your partner both go to bed, take off your clothes, but do nothing. This helps accept things how they are, a concept following mindfulness. It helps you emotionally connect with your better half and can lead to an elevated acceptance of one another. While in bed, you both can focus on your breathing or even watching the sky together or get to talking to one another. It helps replace the age-old model of desire leading to arousal leading to sex with mindfulness. Try bathing together too if that helps steam things up!

Why just restrict yourselves to the bedroom when the house belongs to you! Couples need to embrace each other during small daily activities too. Simple gestures count to increase the magic. Like cooking together! Doing things with each other, sharing household chores. You can always indulge in slight foreplay / simmering to make each other feel wanted and desired. Heard of the love dance? If you don’t like dancing, maybe next time you leave for work, instead of kissing her/him, simmer her/him goodbye instead, leaving her/him craving for more when you’re back! You need to hold her around the waist, bury your face in her hair, inhale her magnificent scent, kiss her on the cheeks and neck and feel that o-so-pleasurable moment of arousal. Women, just pull your man closer and give him an enchanted kiss of love and some neck licking and nail digging would ignite some flames ;)

The element of surprise is essential to ignite that lost spark! It’s not the sex that’s monotonous, it’s the way you make each other feel within.

Medically reviewed by Rishabh Verma, RP

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